He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
