you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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