My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
