and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
