So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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