I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
