i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
