So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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