I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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