How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
