that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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