I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
