Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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