There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize