just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
