is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
