hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
