Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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