I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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