i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize