Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize