are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
