Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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