the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
