I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pants are for mortals
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
