So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
