I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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