i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
