it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
