we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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