I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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