You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
