So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
