I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
