I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
