The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
only you would photoshop your dick
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
