I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
