Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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