you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
