Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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