i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
ttyl tear gas
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
