Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
