dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
