where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
