even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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