You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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