real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
someone threw a dead crab at me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
