I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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