I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
