no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
