you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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