I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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