Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
