Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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