Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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