If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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