STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
