Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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