I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
