when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
