Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
