I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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