Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
