She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
