anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Even my vagina gasped.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
