Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
