He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
