The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize