the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i now understand why vodka
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
