My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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