...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
