I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
