We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
