my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am naked and annoyed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
