if only i could text you this smell
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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