Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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