Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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