My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Green mimosas i think yes
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize