clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
