i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
jump out the window naked night went bad
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