He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize