I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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