i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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