You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
