I faked an abortion last night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
