Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
