Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
