i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
