we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
