I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
