I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
