If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
