Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
