I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
