I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she looked like the before picture.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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