Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
