The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
