New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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