i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
