He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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