She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize