11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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