Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
