You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
