I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
