And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
