If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
