ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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