Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
do herpes really smell.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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