there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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