I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
