Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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