No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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