omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
