you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this just has baby written all over it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
