i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
