yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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