I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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