we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
