what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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