kristin has been a bad kristin
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
