I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
