I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize