Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
