if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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