My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
