Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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