it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
