As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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