Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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