I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
