i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A bitchslap is in order.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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