i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
