Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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